8/18/18 DRAFT

It's comical that I read the ad for the Dolan Springs suicide "awareness" event and I thought it was suicide "prevention." 

I was upset that they were giving away hot dogs and selling soda and cookies -- the kind of food I wouldn't touch if I got paid for it. 

I became depressed as I was told over and over that "occasional bad food is ok." 

As if the people of Dolan Springs ate organic food at home all the time. 

Seriously?

But I finally got it -- it's NOT about preventing suicide, it's about making survivors feel better.  And I suppose that's ok too, typical Mohave County mediocreness. 

And it worked -- I'm very aware now.

A badly needed reality check.  60 years old, my dad just died in January after 10 weeks of hospital torture -- time to start planning for my PEACEFUL death.

I've been obsessed with getting real food to our area since I started the gardening club in 2011.  

I've hosted so many food and gardening workshops, but realize now that it's pointless.  I've actually been accused of "poisoning" residents with organic food.  Only in Mohave County can people be so incredibly stupid.

Since I moved to Meadview in 2000, many of my friends and neighbors died in their 60s, most due to their diets and lifestyles. 

Heart attacks, strokes, obesity ...

Many more are suffering from chronic diseases like arthritis, fibromyalgia, allergies ...

ALZHEIMERS / DEMENTIA are preventable and often even reversible through dietary changes.  So many people have Alzheimer's already.  It's my worst nightmare.

I've watched countless docu-series on how to stay and get well.  

It's amazing that there isn't just one way to beat cancer, but we have so many options.  However, ALL require organic food and dietary changes.    And in the 7 years I've tried to help people change their diets, I'm still the only one who actually did it.  What a  massive failure!

I tried to eat only GMO free and mostly organic.   I take ZERO prescription drugs.  I also take NO supplements, not in my budget. [5/1/19: I'm taking ashwagandha, lion's mane and Vitamin C now).

I found out that I had very high blood pressure (200 / 130) after I squished a finger in 2010 and I got it stitched up at KRMC.  I've never taken a single blood pressure pill. 

But no matter what I do and how healthy I am, eventually I won't be able to work anymore.  Even if I should get a few hundred dollars social security, I won't be able to afford organics anymore and I'll get sick like all the people around me.

Or, I might fall and break a hip.  Not life threatening for most.  I can't pay people to take care of me. I would lose my gardens, my food supply, I'd end up in a crappy place eating crappy food being miserable. 

EVERYTHING I have going depends on me being able to walk and work.

I'd rather die with dignity and I'd like to have a doctor put me out of my misery just like we do for our pets.  

Almost everybody has compassion for pets and supports euthanasia.  When a pet is sick and we can't afford expensive treatment, we put it to sleep.

Old folks on minimal social security already live in old mobiles with leaky roofs and mold.  They live off the crappy food at the Family Dollar.  They sit in front of the TV most waking hours.  There's nothing to do here.  Fortunately we have MANY churches in Dolan Springs and Meadview, but if you're not into organized religion, you're out of luck!

Many people here eventually die in their homes, sometimes they're not found for weeks.  Joanne, with several kids AND friends at the VFW, wasn't found until her body had decomposed and her cats had died.  Joanne and her cats lived and died in a house of filth. When people get old and crazy, nobody wants to help them anymore.  Not even her daughter in Las Vegas cared.

And it's only getting worse:

*** When Trump stops the Obamacare subsidy to Arizona, about 700,000 Arizonans will lose their healthcare.

Obamacare is NOT great, but it is obviously better than nothing.   I know MANY seniors who cannot pay the Medicare supplemental insurance premium.

ALREADY so many cannot afford to eat organic, they are sick because of the toxic food they eat and because they have NOTHING to do.

I had helped my friend Leo get on food stamps and AHCCCS, but when he got sick, nobody would help.

KRMC killled Leo.  I took him to the ER, but they sent him home after a few hours.  I called them explaining that he was ill again and should be in a nursing home where they can monitor his vitals.   He didn't need a "hospital", he needed a clean place to get well under doctors' supervision.  The social worker at KRMC referred him to a Kingman homeless shelter when I told her that he was living in a camper, had diarrhea, no running water, no electricity (in JULY!) and was so weak he could barely make it out of bed.

I STILL don't know what I could / should have done for Leo.

*** Our ultra conservative Mohave County government has absolutely NO interest in improving the lives of the old and poor.

I have to accept this.  

• The County won't even fix potentially deadly roads.
• The health department won't allow locally grown food to be used by restaurants and I can't even donate my organically grown salad and veggies to events at the Dolan Springs Community Hall.

They STRIVE to kill us. 

Self help is PROHIBITED and we can't organize food events with the food we grew.

I've done all I could and now I'm 60 years old and I have to focus on working and making money until I'm ready to die.

So I'm going to prepare a petition to Arizona law makers to at least give us the right to die with dignity.

Just like we have a Living Will that restricts what doctors can do to prolong our suffering, we need the right to END our miserable lives when we can't take it anymore.

Committing suicide is not easy.  

Many people on opiates save up enough so they can overdose.  I'm guessing that at least 20% of all the people who die at home are suicides.

Some couples have agreements to use helium to assist their ill spouse when it's time to go.  It's supposed to be painless and is difficult to detect. Life insurance doesn't pay after suicide.  But what about the surviving spouse?  What if you don't have a spouse?

Personally, I don't like blood and gore, I would like to go to sleep and not wake up.   Like our pets.

And my worst nightmare is surviving a suicide attempt.  I'd like it to be done "right" with NO chance of waking up in a hospital.

Why not offer a humane death to humans who can no longer support themselves?

It's the Trump / Mohave County spirit.   If you can't make it, die!

So many people in Mohave County are completely lacking compassion.  Trump loving imbeciles with ZERO empathy.

Compassion is a 4-letter word in Mohave County.

No social services, crappy medical service, crappy food, KRMC kicks traumatized seniors out of the ER in the middle of the night  -- the dictionary definition of shit hole.

I really hope that at least they will let us die with dignity and painless to end our suffering.